A Bad Idea

Last night, I had a bad idea. A very bad idea. I didn't think it through when I had it. It seemed very logical at the time.

It was my day with the kids. Wes wasn't going to be home until 7:30pm. So, I had to get the kiddos fed, cleaned up, and ready for bed by myself. They ate cut up pears and bananas for dinner. Then, it was time for a bath. I thought, "Hmmm, I haven't showered in two days. I think I need a bath too." Side note: for the first few months of their lives, we would always shower with the kids. To us, it was easier than getting out the baby tub and all the other shit that goes along with that. And, it killed two birds with one stone. So, Wes would shower with one and I would shower with the other. But since they've gotten bigger (probably since about 5 months of age), they've always bathed together our tub. Okay, back to last night: "Maybe I could shower with them sitting on the floor? They'd probably stay in there if the curtain was closed, right?" This sounded like a perfectly fine idea. Actually, it sounded like a damn good idea. I hadn't showered in days, the kids needed a bath, perfect! So, I took them upstairs, de-clothed them, and sat them on the floor of the shower. Then I got in, closed the curtain, and turned the shower on.

Then. The. Unthinkable. Happened.

Vivian pooped. Not just any poop either. It was a huge, monster, squishy, all-over-the-place poop. Let me stop for a minute and say that this has never happened to us. We've heard all these stories of babies pooping in the tub, but it has never happened on our watch; and we have two! Well, the stars finally aligned and it happened. It. Was. Disgusting. So what did I do? My original game plan for when this happened was always to drain the water, take the babies out, carefully remove the baby droppings, clean off the pooped baby, and then put them both back in for a good scrubbing. I think I would have done this (or some version of this) if I wasn't in the shower too! I had to rethink my strategy. Quickly!

I picked up Vivian and held her under the running water to wipe off her butt without actually having to touch it. At the same time, I had to use my left foot to hold Gavin back away from the poop and my right foot to push it all down the drain. Yes, I pushed it down the drain. With my foot. What were my other options?! Don't judge until you have been in my shoes. (And when you have been in this same situation, call me and let me know what you did. You probably will do the same thing. You think you won't, but you probably will.) The worst part is that a lot of the poop wouldn't go down the drain in an orderly fashion, so I had to squish it through the cracks with my foot.

While all of this is happening, Gavin is crying because he wants to touch the poop and my left leg is in his way, Vivian is screaming because she doesn't like to be dangled under running water, and my foot is COVERED in shit.

After a few minutes, Viv's butt was clean, my foot was scrubbed, and Gavin was set free. Even though we all got clean in the end (which was the purpose of the three person shower), it was not my finest moment as a parent.