Wednesday, October 7, 2009

best. post. ever.

I have this friend named Maren. Well, we're more like close acquaintances. We know each other through our mutual friends and she's been to my house and we've been at functions together and she came to my baby shower. But what really makes us friends is that we read each others' blogs. I've actually read her blog long before we ever met. Yes, we were strangers and I read her blog. I knew of her, but I didn't know her. Anywho, she f-ing hilarious. She has three boys (who are also f-ing hilarious) and she writes almost daily about the adventures (which are rather ridiculous and chaotic at times) that she encounters while raising them. I heart her blog and I have checked it everyday for years. Yes Maren, I've read your blog for like 3 years now (but I'm not a stalker; I promise; okay maybe I'm a little bit of a stalker).

Well last night, Maren wrote the best post ever. And, I've copied it below for all of you to read. Enjoy. I know you will...

~~~~~

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2009

One of Those Days


Have you ever had one of those days where...

...your three year old wakes you up at 2:30am for no apparent reason. And then your four month old, who has been sleeping through the night for at least six weeks, wakes you up at 4:30am also for no apparent reason because it sure isn't to eat. Then your rotgut older boys wake up at 5:45am and decide that this is the perfect time to play computer, only before they play they have to have a screaming match in the office (which shares a wall with your bedroom) about who gets to turn on the light. And even though you try to ignore them you just can't, so you march into the office (because your husband, who is awake, apparently
cannot be bothered even though you've been out of bed twice during the night now) and yell at the boys and threaten their lives if they don't STOP SCREAMING!!! And they look at you as if you're crazy, start playing computer, and ignore you as you stomp off to bed.

And you get back to sleep... for 45 minutes. Because then the alarm goes off. And the kids are all rotten because they think you should be a short-order cook for breakfast and start making demands for anything
but the eggs and toast you are making for them, which is ridiculous because you never just make them whatever they want for breakfast. Then the toast burns and you just want to swear. And they're all loud and whiny and you just want to run away but you can't because then the school would call you about why your kindergartner wasn't in school today and you'd look like a terrible mother.

So then you clean the house and even touch-up paint the walls because, oh boy, they've needed it for a looooonngg time and all the marks are oddly all four feet and lower. And during this you're constantly changing diapers, feeding babies, tripping over toys, and trying to ignore the insane demands of your three year old, which is next to impossible because he's decided to literally hang on to your leg to make sure you can hear him. And you notice a strange stain on your pajamas and realize that it's poop. Poop on your pajamas. That's been there for several hours.

You finally get a shower and never want to get out. But you have to because you hear a strange crashing sound coming from the kids' bedroom and you can hear your three year old say 'oops', not because he's loud but because he's run into the bathroom, yelling and babbling nonsense. And you also hear the baby, who has woken from his as-of-then 20 minute nap because of the aforementioned crash. And if that baby gets going it'll take a good 15 minutes to calm him down.

And you spend the rest of the the day dealing with rotgut kids who won't behave and feel the need to make huge messes and scream and fight and be considerably obnoxious and disobedient no matter how many time outs you give. It's raining, so you can't throw them outside. And you're just so tired you want to cry, but you can't because you're too tired to cry. And you try to get stuff for your church calling done, but you just can't think straight, and anyways you're too grouchy to feel the spirit enough to write the talk and sharing time you have to plan.

And you change more diapers, get spit up on more, trip on lots of toys, and even get more poop on you.

And you finally make it to dinner, and you're making it, although it's not what you planned because you wisely decided
not to go to the grocery store today with your crazy brood. But it'll be good anyways, and things are starting to look up because the older boys have calmed down a little now that SpongeBob is on the boob tube and the baby is asleep. And you're looking forward to your no-children-allowed shopping trip tonight because you absolutely have to go buy some new pants because all of your old ones are really old since you were pregnant last winter.

But then your husband calls and you just know it's because he's gonna be late tonight.
Again. Because he's always late now and the kids and you are going crazy from it. And you try not to be grouchy about it over the phone but you don't do a very good job. But then your husband isn't that late so you can all have dinner together as a family. And by 'as a family' I mean that you and your husband eat but your kids all whine and complain and refuse to eat even though the food is good. (They'd whine and complain if you served popsicles and candy bars; they just have something against dinner.)

And then there is great weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth at bed time, mainly because they both claim they are sooooo hungry. But when offered their dinners they refuse; they don't want
dinner. They want a bedtime snack. And all you want to do is give them a bedtime smack, but you don't because so far you don't believe in smacking your children, but boy are you thinking about changing your philosophy on that tonight.

And then you finally get to sneak out of the house. And you buy some pants that are actually on sale! But before you buy them you have to stand in line behind a herd of college freshman boys who are all buying ties for some reason, and who are talking conspicuosly loud and are making you feel very old and frumpy, because you realize that is probably how they see you since you have no make-up on, your hair is messily pulled back, and are wearing spit-up stained clothes.

And then you go grocery shopping, only it's like there's some big storm coming or something because half of what you need isn't in stock. And you remember that's why you usually go shopping during the day.

You finally get home at quarter to ten and you can hear your baby hollering in the house while you're still in the garage. For some reason he loves you and hates daddy and has been screaming for over an hour, but stops crying when you hold him, but heaven forbid you should try to put the groceries away.

So you nurse him and he keeps unlatching because he wants to look around and that really hurts and it takes forever to finally get him fed and asleep. And you put the groceries away and get thing ready for the day and fall on the couch and realize that you still haven't blogged today.


Have you ever had a day like that?

Yeah, me too.

4 comments:

Maren said...

Thanks, Jennie! I'm honored. And I'm glad my rotten day could produce something good. :) Feel free to stalk me any time.

ashley.and.graham said...

i totally agree. would like to think i had something to do with that connection but i can't remember much these days so i totally can't remember that. but the post was awesome - insane but awesome.

Pants said...

Yes, you were right, Jennie, I did enjoy. :)

The Bluvas Blog said...

now I regularly check out Maren's blog too. on the day I read your post, I also read in excerpt from a baby book (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child) with a kid named Maren given as an example. how crazy that I would read about two Marens in one day.