A Rant on Rushing

Disclaimer: I will be using my everyday language in this post. Which, if you know me, includes cursing. This is a rant. So, if you're offended by foul language, go read something else. Also, if you decide to stick around, read the post, and subsequently disagree with me, I don't want to know. Keep your opinions to yourself. I don't care. You didn't have to read this and I don't want to listen to you disagree with me. The end.

Okay, have the extreme-language-conservatives left? Great. Let's begin.

Over the last three years (since we had the twins), I have participated in several conversations with medical professionals, child care providers, family members, and other moms who have absolutely infuriated me. Okay, they've pissed me the fuck off. 

I'll start with an example from the twins' one-year checkup. After all of the poking and prodding, their doctor asked me, "Are Gavin and Vivian still drinking from a bottle?" "Uh, yeah," I replied. Then she proceeded to tell me that they needed to be off the bottles. I believe her exact words were, "They should have been off them yesterday." I was in shock. I remember my mom telling me that I drank from a bottle until I was two-ish. What the fuck? Who cares how long they drink from a bottle? Why does it matter?

This was the rest of our conversation:

• Me: "Why does it matter?"
• Doc: "Well, if you let them drink a bottle to go to sleep, then their teeth could start to rot because the milk will just sit in their mouths."
• Me: "Okay, what if they only drank water to fall asleep?"
• Doc: "Well, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to take the bottle away."
• Me: "So, they're not going to die or become severely ill from drinking a bottle past the age of 1."
• Doc: "Well no, but you really need to get going with this."

I left the doctor's office feeling like a shitty mom. But I was also an angry mom. I thought to myself, "if there are no real problems (FYI: if you think your kid being hooked on a bottle is a "real" problem, then you haven't experienced much hardship in your life and you may need to gain some perspective about the world), what the hell is the big deal. And, why do I feel like shit when I clearly realize that this isn't a big deal?"

Because a trusted medical professional told me. I really liked our pediatrician at the time and valued what she said. When I got home, I did some research and decided that we would try to get rid of the bottles after we moved to Virginia (when the twins were about 15 months old).

The two weeks of "Operation: No Bottle" were two of the worst weeks of our life post twins. So, we decided to wait another month before trying again. About 3 weeks later, G & V started handing us their bottles before bed on their own. We followed their lead, taking small steps toward total bottle removal. In about 2 weeks of very limited crying, they didn't want bottles anymore. Everyone was happy and we didn't have to rush them into anything. They were 16 months old.

Cue in the next major issue: potty training. 

When the twins turned two, they were still at that terrible daycare center that we didn't like. During the week after their birthday, we received a note (as usual) stating that they were out of diapers. But, instead of "More Diapers Needed" being circled, "More Pull-Ups Needed" was circled. I had never seen this phrase circled before. The next day, I went into the office (diapers in hand) and asked, "Why does this slip have "pull-ups" circled? G & V are not potty-training yet."

The bitch behind the desk replied, "Oh, well, they're now in the two-year-old room. And in the two-year-old room, they have to be potty-training/trained."

"Gavin and Vivian are not ready to start potty-training. And neither am I. So, I will not be sending pull-ups to school because they are not potty-training," I said.

"Well, that's the rule for being in the two-year-old room."

I said, "Excuse me? That's the RULE? Who the hell made this ridiculous rule? My children are not ready to potty-train and I don't plan to rush them into anything. They're only two! You can keep them in the one-year-old room."

"They're too big now for the one-year-old room."

"Are you fucking kidding me? They were in the one-year-old room YESTERDAY! What the hell happened last night that made them too big? Here's the deal: They are my kids, I'm not rushing them into something that I'm fully aware they are not ready for, and I'm not sending any pull-ups with them to school. So, you can either keep them in the one-year-old room or deal with a couple of non-potty-training two-year-olds."

Needless to say, I was very happy when we switched schools a couple of months later.

And no, our kids are STILL not potty-trained. And yes, they will be three in a few weeks. And guess what? I don't give a shit. Our kids will start potty-training when they are BOTH ready. Vivian has been ready for months now, but Gavin is a completely different story. Wes and I are not going through weeks of potty-training with one only to have to do it all over again with twin #2 a month or so later. So our reasoning for waiting is that (1) we want them both to be ready and (2) we want both parents to be capable of doing the training (remember, I've been on bed rest for the last 8 weeks). I just don't get the point of pushing our kids to start something when they aren't cognitively or physically ready. Whatever.

This brings me to issue #3: pacifiers. 

I'm also so fucking sick of people commenting on our kids still having pacifiers. Who the fuck cares? Are they going to die? No, they're not. And for all of you who want to reply, "They're going to have jacked-up teeth if you keep it up," doesn't everyone "need" braces these days anyway? So, shut the fuck up. Just like the bottles, we will slowly remove the pacifiers when they're ready. This slow-removal has already begun, with the twins mostly using pacifiers when they're in the car and sleeping (although since I've been on bed rest, the during-the-day pacifying has somehow crept back into their daily routine). But I'm not worried about it. And neither should you. Because guess what? They're not your kids. They'll get rid of them when they are good and ready.

I guess I wrote this because I'm (1) sick of the comments, (2) sick of people acting like not doing certain things is going to somehow permanently damage my kids (or anyone's kids for that matter), and (3) sick of the rushing. They're little kids. Quit trying to make them into big kids before they're ready. Get over it.

And by the way, I've been wanting to write this post since the pull-up incident. Nothing has happen recently to make me want to write this. So quit over-analyzing it.