The Penis Diaries

Aaaaand, we're back from vacation. So naturally, I thought I'd write a post about penises. Here it goes.

Since he was very young, Gavin has been... well... obsessed with his penis. When he was just a baby, Gavin would grab himself during diaper changes and would constantly want to be naked by stripping down to nothing so he could get in a little "playtime." Don't remember? See a few old penis-related blog posts HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. This fascination with his manhood has not changed and probably won't at any point in the near future. But recently, in the last few weeks, we've had a few rather comical experiences centered around Gavin's... well... you know.

1. It seems like a day does not go by when I don't have to tell Gavin to get his hands out of his pants. In fact, I usually have to say it multiple times a day. He puts his hands down his pants at the dinner table, during story time, and especially while watching TV. It's ridiculous. I feel like I live with Al Bundy.

2. Lately, Gavin has been trying to draw Paxton's attention to his own penis. Let me explain. During about half of Paxton's diaper changes, you can hear Gavin encouraging Paxton to play with his penis. It's generally something like, "Hurry up, Bubba. Play wif it quick before Mama puts yo diaper back on." It's like he wants to let Paxton in on a secret. He wants Paxton to also experience the joy of playing with his wiener. We've also been coming into the room to find Paxton without any pants on. When we inquire, Gavin will say, "He don't like pants. He wants to be naked! Everyone wants to be naked!" Gavin either just really wants Paxton to also be penis-happy or he doesn't want to be the only one getting in trouble for whipping it out at dinner.

3. This next one is the best. I think I've told this story 481 times since it happened a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I don't know how well it will transfer into writing (my impression of Gavin might be pertinent to the success of this zinger). Anywho, I'll give it a whirl. A few weekends ago, when we were at our friends, the Alhassani's house, for a fun-filled family-friendly evening, Gavin yelled at me from the basement that he had to pee. I yelled back (as I always do) with, "Okay, just make sure you don't pee on the floor! Aim at the water! I'll be down in a minute!" I went downstairs, walked into the bathroom, and there was a pee trail from the door all the way to the toilet. I was in shock. I said to Gavin in a seriously concerned voice, "Oh my gosh, Gav! How did this happen?" Then, as serious as can be, in a very literal tone of voice, Gavin said back to me, "Mom, you know there's a hole on the end of my penis, right? Dats how it happened." Then, I almost peed a little.

I never thought I'd talk about penis so much in my lifetime. Until I had a son.